Nothing Underneath, T.Gerken

Nothing Underneath
By Theo Gerken

Sing me a love song
and I'll answer in praise
but give it to me rough
and I'll be right in your face
As we met
we had our battles
none
of which I won
Soon I sensed you were of another kind
the archetype
of not my kind
the way you impacted me
caught us wondering
left the truth hanging
about the beating and the banging
how I'd wake up
so completely uncalled for
between four white walls
in hospital
hospitalised
traumatized
stunned by psychological warfare and bad food
shunned
by my only visitor
always my inquisitor
so questioning
so calculating
and to force himself upon me
filling me
with his slow mechanical rage
sincerely smiling
while dehydrating my face
bits of me
were leaving me
now the others around
came convinced
you and me were unsound
they said it was a fifty-fifty blame
that all my problems
put your high earning name to shame
but then hospitalised
again and again
for no reason
for a moment
they saw reason
started questioning
I left the truth hanging
about the beating and the banging
they started seeing
patterns of abuse
pushing me
to expose the truth
seeing this
you were loosing this game
unless using change
to clear your own name
so
selling yourself
as though you said my mother
should have sold me
being the whore she was
giving birth to me
Sing me a love song
and I'll answer in praise
with you
it never happened
so I'll always be disgraced
caught in the circle of seeking your approval
it is sad to see
I am a refuge
in this relationship and in my own home
I keep moving
But knowledge of what I seek
and again
the rug is pulled beneath my feet
pulled from underneath
pushed from up above
contracting gravity to your favour
showing the skies
the righteousness of you endeavour
loosing ground
sinking right through it
sinking through earths' surface
try beat me to it
the only memory of her master
was natural disaster
emptying my core
convinced there is more
raging upon my waters
threatening to me leave
relieved and furious
saying things I couldn't believe
this struggle
seemed ignite a spark
the twinkle is in the eye
I beg the twilight to be your guiding light
you come on to me
your intentions to scared to tell
saying you'll do right as I please
I'm thinking oh God please
fucked breathless 'til I could breathe no more
fucked heartless emptying me to the core
fucked blue white gold and yellow
as all the colours of the rainbow
hit me right in the face
and I'll kneel in praise
appropriate behaviour
has come to be my saviour
once more
touched by the breeze of death
once again
screwed by what has nothing underneath
filled with seeds of evil
too tired to stand up
deprived of free will
to make the final cut
thinking about the baby
what sin it will bring
but love infinite
I almost change my mind
before realizing environmental factors
can do nothing to this kind