By Heath Gordon
I think I'd make a good alcoholic. I would just start drinking around noon, then I'd keep drinking and drinking. I gotta watch my daughter during the day but she wouldn't notice. We'd have a good old time and paint and draw and laugh about cartoons on tv. I probably wouldn't read to her that much. Well maybe I would, I just wouldn't actually read. I'd look at the pictures and make the story up. Not that I can't read when I'm drunk. But reading is kind of boring. Well so is watching a 4-year old. That's why I'm getting drunk. And I'd probably pass out, which is cool since me and the kid nap in the afternoon anyway. Then I'd sleep off the major buzz and wake up when the wife got home from work noticing nothing out of the ordinary at all.