Reciprocation, A.M.Bratten

"reciprocation"
by April Michelle Bratten


i can only repeat,
just as a stuttering child--
i say to him,
i can only repeat myself.
i lie, i do--
without using any words.
my flesh, it's there--
always there, a constant.
it tells lies, it says words.
but his words--
they transfix me,
numbing and cold,
they lull me to sleep.
cold! hard! spell!
and his eyes,
his eyes,
damn those sugary eyes--
tinged with pink
as if to shed a tear.
i just want him
so badly--
too badly to--
i just want to rock him to sleep.
i hear the murmurs,
righteousness! I! swear!
i hear the murmurs
of an insane child.
i hear them, i do.
without the realization
that these words--
they are mine.
my flesh tells lies.
lies! sold! me!
my secrets, your secrets
are not spread, revealed.
they are only lies,
i told him they are lies--
not meant to be believed.
just close your ears,
my love,
just close your ears and forget.
but he can not, will not
hear my words--
these strangled words.
because
i can only repeat,
(repeat! repeat! repeat!)
just as a stuttering child--
i say to him,
i can only repeat myself.